Maxim and Mommy Update

We get asked how Maxim and I are doing so I figured I would keep people posted via the blog.  I will do my best to get photos up and do regular posts.

Maxim
He is a trooper.  It has been a week since his delivery date and he is doing great.  He has been able to breathe on his own without any assistance, which is huge for a 10 week premature baby.  He has been taking my breast milk like a champ.  He feeds every two hours via a tube through his nose.  He will be able to move to a nipple about 34 weeks along. Until then, he will get fed through the tube.  He is a very active little guy as he likes to pull out his tube quite a bit and the nurses have to keep putting it back in.  He is starting to recognize when it's feeding time as he starts to get restless at the two hour mark.  The nurse said yesterday "Oh, he is right on schedule.  Look, he knows it's time to fill his belly."  That is another great sign of his maturity level.

He had quite the temper the first few days.  If you tried to even move him he freaked out.  He did not want to be moved whatsoever!  His little temper tantrums were funny because he is screaming at the top of his lungs, but not much comes out.  I know that will be short lived as his screams will surely get much louder than that.  The past day and a half he has really learned to cope with people moving him and changing his diaper.  He doesn't freak out so much at all.  It seems as if he gave in to the fact he is not going to be put back in the womb and he just has to deal with it.

The nurses keep saying his is quite mature for his age.  Last night a nurse asked me if the due date could have been off because he seems to be an 8 week premie and not a 10 week premie.  I said no because I know the exact date I got pregnant.  That is a big plus because him being discharged depends on his weight and his maturity level.  That made this mamma proud!

The first couple days the nurses kept commenting on the fact he hadn't pooped yet.  They are only able to up his food dosage as long as he poops and everything is working on the inside.  I started to get worried after the second time I heard this.  I was rooting for him to poop and when he finally did we were there to see it and change his diaper.  Of course it was the "tar poop" but I didn't care.  I was just so happy he pooped that I was celebrating.  It's the small things right now.

Mommy
Maxim is doing wonderful, but I am not so much.  This is much harder on me than on him.  He seems to be living the dream at times in his incubator while I stand outside just a wreck.  I have been on an extreme roller coaster this past week.  I have gone through every emotion from guilt to sad to happy.  I find the only time I am happy and myself is when I am at the hospital holding Max.  I struggle the rest of the time.  I find myself crying a lot and just taking it day by day.

I did talk to another couple in the NICU who has a baby with no esophagus.  The mom seemed to have it all together and talking to her made me feel a little better.  She told me that it will get better and I will turn a corner eventually.  Until then, I will just have to take it one day at a time.  I have also been told this has to do with the hormones going crazy as well as the sadness of not bringing Maxim home.

I miss him all the time and it just makes me cry.  This emotional roller coaster is turning my stomach all the time so I know it's not good for me, but I can't help it.  It's the hardest thing to do to give birth and then go home without him.  I feel like I am grieving, but I am not because I have not lost him.  I am just sad and in a fog when I am not at the hospital.   Andy has been such a trooper helping me through this.  I couldn't have married a better man.

I look forward to the day we can bring him home.  Until then, I will keep everyone posted on his progress and I will work on turning that corner.