Back To Work

I have been back to work for three weeks now and I definitely have mixed feelings about it...which I know is totally normal. On one hand, I am very happy to be back at work and do what I love to do and interact with other adults, but on the other hand I miss the big man so much all day long. 

As the day was approaching for me to go back to work I was getting excited as I love what I do and I really do like where I work. I was looking forward to being career focused again and definitely the social aspect of working. I was also preparing myself for the cry-fest the first morning of work that I heard so much about from my friends. Apparently Andy was also preparing himself for that morning too. It was a surprise to myself that I did not cry that first morning back to work...and before you think I am heartless I will let you know that I got the crying in the night before. I started to cry and Andy checked in on me and here is how it went.

Me: I am going to miss him so much and I don't want him to think I left him.

Andy: Uh, I was not prepared for this. I thought this was going to happen tomorrow morning and I was ready for it then, but I am not ready for it now.

Me: What's the difference? Just give me the speech you were planning on for tomorrow morning as it might make me feel better now.

Andy: I can't because you just threw me off my game and now I can't remember my speech. You should have planned your cry-fest better.

I then continued to cry while Andy tried to get back on his game and remember his speech to make me feel better. I cried because I knew I was going to miss him dearly and I didn't want him to think I deserted him. I also cried because I was feeling guilty for looking forward to going back to work. I was feeling like every other mother who heads back to work...kind of like "what kind of mother am I to want to go back to work?" I knew the feelings were totally normal, but I still cried. It made me feel a million times better knowing that the big man will be hanging out with daddy for the next six weeks before he goes to the sitter's house. Yes, we are truly fortunate that Andy's place of employment allows him up to 12 weeks of fully paid paternity leave and he agreed to use 6 of those weeks. I am very happy that Andy gets this bonding time with him like I had as I know most fathers don't get that. Another bonus of Andy being home with him he sends me daily pictures and videos of him playing and it helps me get through the day.

The BIG NEGATIVE of me going back to work is that I get home at 6pm and he pretty much goes to bed an hour and a half later. So, I get 1.5 hours with him and during that time he is either super crabby because he is tired or he is half asleep anyway. It's pretty much a bummer! This makes me really appreciate the weekends and I cherish all my time with him before I have to head back to work on Monday.