It all started when I gave birth to Maxim and he was in my arms long enough for Kim to snap this picture.
That was a mere few seconds and then he was taken from me and went straight to the NICU and our journey began. I was able to hold him for about an hour a day for the next two weeks. I did not get that initial mommy and baby bonding time that is very important. I felt that I did not get true bonding time with him until he came home from the hospital almost 7 weeks later. That made me feel like I was separated from him for 7 weeks which is a very long time. This is not a normal experience and can take a toll on any mother. That traumatic experience has caused me to not want to ever leave him again.
Now that he's home I am loving every second I have with him and I can't imagine being apart from him for any length of time. I had a nail appointment 3 weeks after he came home and I stressed about it the whole week leading up to it. I wondered how I was going to leave him for one hour. This has nothing to do with Andy as a father as he is an amazing father. This only has to do with me being separated from Max again. Well I went to that nail appointment and it was a rough hour. I did well so I went back for a pedicure a few days later. I celebrated leaving him twice for an hour each time. I read online that the only thing I can do to get over this is to take baby steps in leaving him with people I know and love. So far, I have only been able to leave him with his daddy. I have to get over this because we have a wedding in a couple of weeks where his grandparents will be watching him. I am already having anxiety over this, but I do know that I have to leave him so I can get over this.
I mean, how can you leave this adorable baby boy at all?
I am aware that a lot of moms deal with maternal separation anxiety, but I would like to believe that if I didn't have the NICU experience I wouldn't have to deal with this anxiety.
2 comments:
Jaimi- I still hate leaving Bianna. I feel like grandparents pressure new moms into leaving so they can have alone time with the baby... but guess what it is your decision. And I have both GP living in town with us. You can imagine how popular I am. Everyone loves a baby, just take him. :) I realize this probably does not help. I still hate leaving Bianna. If you don't feel right about it then don't do it.
Thanks for sharing Pam. I do have to be ok with it though because I will eventually be heading back to work where I will be separated from him all day long. Ugh...that sounds awful!
Post a Comment